E3 2012 Trailerpalooza! Volume 1
It’s that time of year again. E3 is here. It’s like Christmas for videogame fans. Except we can’t actually play any of the games. So it’s like Christmas, but you only get to look at the presents on TV. OK, so it’s not like Christmas at all. Anyway, E3 is about a lot more than games. There’s the painful celebrity cameos, the awkward stage demonstrations, and don’t forget the corporate hyperbole. But who cares about all that nonsense? I just want to watch the trailers. And that’s what Trailerpalooza is for. All of the trailers, none of the crap. Read on to get started.
First off… Halo F*cking 4. I’ve been waiting a long time for this, and the over seven minutes of footage that kicked off Microsoft’s press conference did not disappoint.
There’s so much going on in that trailer that it needs it’s own seperate walkthrough. I’ll get to that, trust me. But for now, we have to keep going. Trailerpalooza is just getting started. Next up is Resident Evil 6, featuring the return of Leon Kennedy.
While that is officially known as the “Chaos” trailer, I think another good name for it would’ve been “Zombies on a Plane.” At least for the first minute, or so. Anyway, moving on to Forza Horizon, the next installment in the premiere racing sim for the Xbox 360. But be warned, if you have an allergy to dubstep, you might want to skip this one.
Anyone want to hear my dubstep impression? DEEEOOOOOWHUUUHH WUH WUH WUH WUH… It’s actually pretty good, but it doesn’t translate to text very well. Next up is the highly anticipated reboot of Tomb Raider.
So, yeah… that looks awesome. And painful. On the complete opposite end of the technological spectrum, but still displaying a surprising amount of bow and arrow work, is Crysis 3.
Show me a game in which stuff blows up better than it does in Crysis, and I’ll… well, I’ll show you a game I haven’t played. Speaking of stuff blowing up, here’s the first teaser for the next installment in the Gears of War franchise, Judgement.
Judgement will be a prequel of sorts, taking place fifteen years before the original Gears of War game. It is being developed by People Can Fly, the studio responsible for Bulletstorm. Earlier this year, we reported on Bulletstorm’s sequel being cancelled, and People Can Fly being assigned to another project. I guess we know what that project is now. Keeping with the theme of humans fighting a seemingly unwinnable war against gruesome aliens in a dystopian future, let’s check out the trailer for Dead Space 3.
Depressed yet? Don’t worry, I’ve got the cure for those gritty shooter blues. The trailer for South Park: The Stick of Truth!
I gotta say… besides Halo 4, I think I’m looking forward to the Stick of Truth more than any other game this year. Next up, is the cinematic trailer for Assassin’s Creed 3.
Yeah, that’s totally awesome and everything, but…. did anyone else get a major Mel Gibson in the Patriot vibe while watching that? Come on, admit it. Also, this is the third game in Trailerpalooza to feature a bow and arrow. Now onto Far Cry 3, but be warned… this one contains the unholy trifecta of blood, foul language, and partial nudity. Hold on, here we go…
OK, that’s four games now. Four games with bows and arrows. I’m calling it right now: 2012 is officially the year of the arrow. And now for something completely different. The return of SimCity!
So that’ll do it for round one of Save Game’s E3 Trailerpalooza. Check back soon for volume 2, and maybe even some Demopalooza!